What is offense and how does it wreak havoc on modern society? The Google Dictionary definition states offense is an “annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles.” So, how and why has this simple six-letter word caused so much strife and anxiety in our daily lives?
Politics and Offense
In a discussion with a female friend recently, a pro-abortion person (a guy) kept sending articles, blog posts, books, and other reading materials to her as a battering ram for her stance on abortion. My friend had done nothing other than make a statement about why she believed abortion was wrong when he asked her a question. She was met with heavy resistance and extreme aggression from him. (Note the aggression on his part.) This gentleman (if you could call him that) was highly offended at her position and took it upon himself to try and convince her otherwise. Uh, yeah… that probably won’t happen, especially because of his aggressive demeanor.
Let’s look at another example of how offense works. I posted a quick update with some instructions in a private social media group. At the end of the post, I lightheartedly said “mucho thanko!” Less than five minutes after that post, I got a text message saying “I’m a Latina and I find your phrase ‘mucho thanko’ very offensive. Will you please remove it?” Not wanting to start an argument, I apologized for offending her and removed the words. Nothing more was said. This particular person chose to be offended over many things. I found myself "over watching" what I said to her. But, she didn't have a problem attacking me. Do you see the problem here?
Offense in Education
Here’s another biggie… I was an elementary school music teacher for a number of years. In the process of teaching several very popular songs, all of a sudden, I started noticing that lyrics changed – words that used to be fine are now considered offensive. The best example? Sing along now…. “Kookaburra sits in an old gum tree! Merry, merry king of the bush is he! Laugh, kookaburra, laugh kookaburra – gay your life must be.” These are the original words to the song. Over the last few years, publishers have taken the word “gay” out and replaced it with “great.” What’s wrong with this? In my mind, they’re taking away a part of culture. Their goal? Not to bring offense to anyone. The word “gay” has more than one meaning and if we can’t get over the fact that it doesn't always mean the same thing, then our society really has problems.
I ran across this issue all the time as a music teacher. I no longer teach children and “graduated” to teaching adults how to teach children. In class, we discussed how society is demanding that song lyrics change so as to not offend people. Certain groups were beginning to call for censorship of books in schools because they could offend a population group. It sounds too much like the book “1984” is actually happening! In my honest opinion, I think we’ve gone too far with this. As I state above, offense is a choice. If I counted up all the times in my life that I COULD have chosen to be offended, I’d be a hot mess! Yes, there are times that people direct offense at me on purpose. But, it’s still my choice to receive the offense. There’s not an obligation to receive what’s given. Offense is one of those “gifts” I choose to not participate in.
To answer the next question – no, it’s not easy. Everything starts with a decision. That includes what we think aren’t choices we’ve made. If you think about it, we are walking out the choices we made yesterday, last year, or even five years ago. You may argue with me but as usual, I’ll use myself as an example of doing stupid stuff...
Offense in Government
When dealing with the eminent domain situation (that lasted between 2012-2019), I made a decision based on what the State of Idaho told me about a timeline for my relocation. Their information turned out not to be accurate. And, it’s cost me. I won’t go into those details but, because I wanted to feel sorry for myself, I thought “because you are doing ________ to me, _______ is happening as a result!"
Notice, this is playing the blame game. I put the responsibility for my actions on someone other than myself. Yes, the information given to me was incorrect. However, I jumped the gun and probably should have waited for more information before I lashed out in frustration. Ultimately, the buck stops with me. I can only blame myself for my own choices.
We always pay a price for our decisions – both good and bad. When we make bad decisions, repenting (turn and go the opposite direction) should generally be the next item on the agenda. In the situation above, I knew my choice was correct. The problem was my timing. That’s why it’s so important to get the timing right on things, too! I repented for my part and chose not to be offended when the state’s timeline changed yet again. The only person’s behavior I can control is my own. What other people/organizations do is between them and God.
What this boils down to is all about choice. It’s a choice to look at what comes at us and make a decision to put on our "adult" pants when people make an attempt to offend us. This includes “offense by accident.” When we’re not secure in who our identity, we easily become offended. I honestly believe, based on my own experience, that as we learn to walk FROM a place of rest and peace, taking offense sits at a distance. We simply don't "entertain" offense.
Let’s look at gossip. We hear, “Listen to what he/she said to you! Doesn’t that make you mad? He/she called you a _________!!!” Doesn’t it hurt your feelings? How could he/she say such things to you!? Wow – that was a very insensitive comment! He/she’s being mean to you on purpose and doesn’t care about you or your feelings at all!” When these thoughts come at us, it’s literally negativity and all its cuddle buddies talking smack to us. That’s our opportunity to flick it off our shoulders and sit in Perfect Love IN the midst of the attempted offense. Those first thoughts that flit through our minds determine our next course of action. When that course of action is to look away from the problem or offense, it’s much easier to not take on the offense.
Political Correctness
In this society of “political correctness,” we have become politically “incorrect.” We are so concerned that we’ll offend someone. Look where it’s brought us. There’s more sickness, mental illness, stress, strife, rejection, suicide, abuse, etc… etc… than most of us have ever seen. It’s sad to look at young people today and see they are taking more drugs for various mental conditions and emotional situations than many of us have seen in our lifetime! Why is that? People simply can’t handle the stress. Why are we stressed? I believe part of that (notice… I say only PART) is due to the fact that we spend quite a bit of time offended over the things that come at us or that people say about us. We have lost our identity.
How do we fix this epidemic? The solution is actually rather simple. However, it takes time and consistent practice to resolve. It has to do about our IDENTITY. The Bible says God is Love. Well, what is Love? Love doesn't think ill will of anyone, judge, condemn, or treat people poorly. Love honors the gifts within each person. Love doesn't take sides because it honors the uniqueness of each individual. Love is patient, kind, not jealous or boastful. Love is not a respecter of persons because ALL people are unique, it's important that we respond to everyone with Love. Sometimes, it's "tough love" but even then, it doesn't judge people.
Sitting in our personal identity is knowing who we are and being secure in our own skin so when other people say dumb stuff to us, it doesn't negatively affect us. If you're interested in learning a bit more about how I worked through a bunch of crap in my life, consider buying a couple of my courses. All courses are self-paced and you can ask questions in the private Facebook group at any time.
- Mountains, Gates, and Castles shows you how to clean up the mountain of your life by sitting in Perfect Love. It comes from a Christ-cetntered perspective so know that up front.
- VIA Character and Passions is a general class that helps you discover what you're passionate about.
Conclusion
In my own experiences of life (many of them were very unpleasant and even traumatic), I use them as springboards to help point me to my true identity. How do I do that? First of all, I start with “practicing” not being offended at everything that comes my way. This includes what’s said for the purpose of offense as well as what’s unintended. As I go through this course of practice, I’m noticing there are less negative triggers to offense. When something comes at me and I recognize it for what it is, I quickly make a point to go to that place of rest and peace where I deal with it there. Usually, it involves taking care of some “stinkin’ thinkin'” on my part. Many times, the triggers that bring up the offense are past situations (hurts, wrong-doings, fears, abuses, etc.) in me that I’ve not yet worked through. Once that’s dealt with, we move on.
Let me state this… I’ve made MANY mistakes, been rude to people, caused offenses, reacted out of my own insecurities, etc… etc. The more I take care of the “junk” in my life, the more free I become and the less offense I take at things thrown at me or directed my way. At the same time, I focus on who I am as the offspring of the Divine Creator who is full of love.
I often visualize that I'm sitting on a throne on the top of a mountain of my life where I "rule and reign" over every situation while sitting in Perfect Love. The "throne" of my life IS Perfect Love. As long as I choose to sit there, I'm at rest and peace. I focus on entraining and entangling with Perfect Love (God). For those in the Christian arena, this is called "being seated in Christ." This is the perspective I begin with in the Mountains, Gates, and Castles course.
My parting words of wisdom for you… when something “offendable” is said, consider looking for the negative trigger that desires to receive the offense. Choose not to accept it. Then, get into that place of rest on the throne of your life where you're seated in Love. By practicing this protocol, I believe one-by-one, those who choose to walk this path of not taking offense can change how our society operates. So, let’s do it!
May Perfect Love reign supreme in your life so that all negativity is washed away and all offenses no longer "stick" to you. Be free to be you!
Del